I've always remarked how Oscar Award winners can claim to be so shocked and surprised at their win, while pulling out some neatly folded note with an elaborately written speech from their pocket in the same breath.
Now, with the magic of Acceptance Speech Generators, I, too, have joined the ranks of the Greats:
Mel's Acceptance Speech for the Insignificantly Progressive Political Troupe (IPPT) Silver Award:
"Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly conjugate verbs! I feel so coked-up! And this statue - it's so suspiciously phallic! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to secretly suspect that even in my wildest hallucinations, I never would have fantasized that this could ever help me get laid so much. And to the other suck-ass nominees, I want each of you to know how totally vindicated your lackluster applause makes me feel right now!
You know when they first told me I was not the father, I just had to take a Xanax and think about how unaesthetic my love scenes have been. I guess it all just makes me feel kinda cheap.
You know, there are so many back-stabbing two-faced harpies to thank! First off though, I want to pay off the self-congratulatory circle jerks of the Academy, who looked deep within their Magic 8-Balls before giving me this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank Gilgamesh, for being such a powerful force in my loins. And to the hooker with the heart of gold, who taught me to take life by the balls. And finally, to all the illegitimate children I sired - I couldn't have done it without you!"
And there you have it! Acceptance speech at the click of a button.
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