Paranoir: Blood on the Dance Floor

Ashjyr's Journal, October 24 2009, Saturday

Loud music bangs on the walls of my eardrums. Smell of cheap booze assails my nostrils. Bodies entwine in an orchestra of artificial high and primal desire.

Human decadence at its finest.

No flying solo for this one. Today we are a squad. We take our positions by one of the tables.

Suspicious characters approach the table beside ours. Mere agents of the enemy. More pawns to the slaughter.

We will make the infidels pay in blood.

But it appears the enemies are not to be taken lightly. We size each other up. Like caged lions fighting for scraps of meat to the amusement of decadent nobles.

“That girl is checking you out.”

Damn. We've been marked. I expect a dagger to my spine any moment.

We are drawing too much attention to ourselves. I shift to the dance floor. Ada is my cover.

“I'm telling you. That girl is checking you out.”

Damn it. Focus, people.

We need to focus on the mission. We should trail them to see where their base of operations is located. I wonder how we can track them.

“Go ask her for her number.”

And I'm sure this extremely elaborate plan is going to work because...

No. There is much at stake. The mission will not be jeopardized on a whim.

“50 dollars.”

Hmm. That changes everything... No wait. What the fuck? No.

The One, finally speaks. His advise to follow protocol will forever be burned into my brain.

“When in doubt, follow the One-hand Rule.”

Paranoir: The Ambush

Ashjyr's Journal, October 19 2009, Monday

Blistering heat. Open space. No shelter. Perfect place to spend the day.

Perfect place for an ambush.

I focus on the task ahead. Time to earn my pay.

“Last year this time we were at Taiwan.”

My associate. Level-headed. Cool. Composed. One of the few people I'd jump into a foxhole with.

Martial arts is a given in our line of work, but not many people I know can bludgeon you to death with logic.

“I wonder where we were.”

Must be a “woman thing”. Most men try to leave their past behind. I tell her I don't remember.

“Ahh. We were at Fen Qi Hu.”

That place brings back poignant memories. That place is no more.

How does she remember these things? Memory training? Cybernetic implants? Or is it just a “woman thing”?

I don't remember pleasant memories. I don't remember unpleasant memories. I don't remember anything. She remembers everything.

What did those bastards do to me?

“It's a 'woman thing'.”

I swear someone up there has a sense of humor.

“Women are better at remembering events. Wait. Did I lock my car?”

Did I mention this is the perfect place for an ambush?

Gunfire. Heavy artillery. Sniper cover. Wave after wave of bombardment.

But nothing hits quite as hard as Irony.

Paranoir

Ashjyr's Journal, October 3 2009, Saturday

The place looks familiar. Smells familiar. Aye, I have been here before.

Greying hair and wrinkled hands show me the way, no doubt agents planted to mislead me from uncovering the truth. With crystal clarity, I can see their malicious intent hidden behind a veil of forced smiles.

No. I must be inconspicuous. I must vanish from plain sight. Then, as if to read my mind, one of the cronies makes a passing comment on my attire.

'Next time cannot wear. Boss not happy.'

I have been marked. Damn.

So much for blending in. This assignment will not be easy. I will have to earn my keep this time.

With eager hands, I reach out for the manifest, casually left discarded on a table. As I begin reading, I realize this is no ordinary document. It has been deviously coded in a language I cannot understand.

What is this? Le French? Ze German?

No matter. My excellent memory will prevail. I was given this assignment for a reason, after all. Reaching into the deepest recesses of my mind, I unearth vivid mental images connecting all the dots in this kaleidoscope of misinformation.

Number 38.

Yes. That's the one. Entree Number 38. The rest is irrelevant. Accomplices. Decoys.

I must have struck gold. The agent that appears shortly after calling their bluff is suspiciously younger. Demure, yet seductive. Long hair, pleasing smile.

The enemy knows my weakness. Damn.

But I can see right through her. I mean her guise. Not her clothes. It is fairly dark and I forgot my xray glasses.

See, few people in this country will tell you that you are welcome when you thank them. She always remembered. Her training has given her away. Like how you can tell a hardened killer by the calluses on his hands.

Then, as if to cement my suspicions, I hear a query from just within earshot.

'Baked Alaska?'

The voice sounds like it came from a lesbian trapped in male body.

It appears there are others like me.

I mean about coming for the Baked Alaska. Not about being a Girly Man.

The reply is reassuring.

'1.5 hours.'

It appears The Master is in today. This will not be a wasted trip.

Epiphany - Cannon Behind Horse

I saw this on a poster while walking to Starbucks with the gang:

"The most selfish 1 letter word "I". Avoid it.
The most satisfying 2-letter word "WE". Use it.
The most poisonous 3-letter word "EGO". Kill it.
The most used 4-letter word "LOVE". Value it.
The most pleasing 5-letter word "SMILE". Keep it.
The fastest spreading 6-letter word "RUMOUR". Ignore it.
The hardest working 7-letter word "SUCCESS". Achieve it.
The most enviable 8-letter word "JEALOUSY". Distance it.
The most powerful 9-letter word "KNOWLEDGE". Acquire it.
The most essential 10-letter word "CONFIDENCE". Trust it."

I found the piece to be cliched, yet insightful at the same time. A few seconds of Googling showed that it was an article that had already been in circulation for a while.

But my epiphany of the day wasn't "what" I read. Nay... it was the "when".

It's like reading your horoscope after the date has passed and then remarking to yourself, "Holy shit this really did happen to me!"

Hence the title. It refers to the Chinese phrase "马后炮", a very rough equivalent of the English expression, "hindsight is 20-20".

But unlike horoscopes which are, by design, vague and carefully worded to give the illusion of accuracy, the above piece was not meant to predict an outcome. Rather, it was written for the purpose of stimulating reflection and inward thinking.

And yet, while chilling out at Starbucks, we covered 1 to 10 on that list.

I had spent 30 seconds reading an article; We spent the ensuing 3 hours living it...

And the Academy Award goes to...

I've always remarked how Oscar Award winners can claim to be so shocked and surprised at their win, while pulling out some neatly folded note with an elaborately written speech from their pocket in the same breath.

Now, with the magic of Acceptance Speech Generators, I, too, have joined the ranks of the Greats:


Mel's Acceptance Speech for the Insignificantly Progressive Political Troupe (IPPT) Silver Award:


"Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly conjugate verbs! I feel so coked-up! And this statue - it's so suspiciously phallic! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to secretly suspect that even in my wildest hallucinations, I never would have fantasized that this could ever help me get laid so much. And to the other suck-ass nominees, I want each of you to know how totally vindicated your lackluster applause makes me feel right now!

You know when they first told me I was not the father, I just had to take a Xanax and think about how unaesthetic my love scenes have been. I guess it all just makes me feel kinda cheap.

You know, there are so many back-stabbing two-faced harpies to thank! First off though, I want to pay off the self-congratulatory circle jerks of the Academy, who looked deep within their Magic 8-Balls before giving me this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank Gilgamesh, for being such a powerful force in my loins. And to the hooker with the heart of gold, who taught me to take life by the balls. And finally, to all the illegitimate children I sired - I couldn't have done it without you!"


And there you have it! Acceptance speech at the click of a button.

2012

Mayan calendar ends in 2012 and morbid thoughts keep seeping into my head lately. So, after a conversation with Mat about the 10 best ways to go, I thought I'd do a Top Ten List, Letterman style.


And so, the Top Ten List for:

"Taglines you do NOT want to see on the news towards the End of Days"


10. Darklord rumored to be father of world-renowned saviour. Saviour says 'Nooooooo'.

9. Global pollution now beyond control. Price of bottled air skyrockets.

8. Nations take muscle flexing to next level and launch nukes. Mutually Assured Destruction becomes More Than Words.

7. Uncontrollable deadly virus turns humans into ravenous zombies. 28 days later, the zombies are not just in your head.

6. Rogue asteroid hurtles towards Earth. With insufficient nukes to alter its course, mankind extinguishes in mesh of iron and irony.

5. Solar eclipse causes superpowers to manifest in humans. Global shortage of spandex and latex expected.

4. Solar flare sweeps across Earth, incinerating atmosphere. Global warming now understatement of the year.

3. Grim Reaper to step down permanently. Officials hint at possibility of outsourcing.

2. Machines gain sentience and subjugates human race. Artificial Intelligence defeats Natural Stupidity.

1. Singapore plans to enter Guinese Book of Records as first country to host End of Days celebrations. Preparations underway.

PS3 vs XBOX360

I remember getting into this heated, geeky discussion a while back.

The common ground we did establish was that PS3 loses out on market share due to the lack of available titles and cost of console/games.

The biggest plus point working in favour of PS3, came from exclusive titles, many of which helped to secure the monopoly that Sony had with PS2.

While the PS2 had a stranglehold on the gaming industry with Japanese gamemakers backing up Sony, Microsoft had little to no support from outstanding gamemakers.

I mentioned previously that with the current generation of console games, the roles have been reversed, but my observations were not met with the same level of concurrence from my Brothers.

Since my Bother from Another Mother wanted me to cite titles on the XBOX360 and was not convinced that Oblivion, Mass Effect, Bioshock, GTA belong to the same category as the 'Greats'...

I now present to you:

Final Fantasy XIII

[Movie Review] - 12 Angry Men

I came across this title when I was looking for some of the better courtroom dramas that have been filmed, long weekend and all. Turns out that the American Film Institute has a list of 'America's 10 Greatest Films in 10 Classic Genres'.


So What's It About
Directed by Sidney Lumet, starring 12 actors whom I have never heard of before this film, and still can't remember after this film, '12 Angry Men (1957)' is a film about the deliberation process by 12 jurors in a murder case. The jury is isolated and confined to a single room, where they are to remain until they can decide on a unanimous verdict.

This film stands out from other courtroom dramas in that it is filmed almost entirely in a single room. Throw in sweltering heat, broken air-conditioning, and 12 men in formal attire who inevitably impose on others their morals and values as they get involved in the case, and you have a constant flow of dialogue and heated exchange.


How Bad Can It Be?
It isn't, really. Other than the fact that the film is in black-and-white, which is somewhat of a turn-off in this day and age, this is probably the most riveting courtroom drama I've seen in a while.

In fact, as far as courtroom dramas go, I prefer this to 'To Kill A Mockingbird (1962)', which is the Top Dog on AFI's list.

The case in the film involves murder; there is no convoluted plot to throw the audience off-track, meaning fewer loopholes for the audience to nit-pick.

There is very little legal jargon to sieve through. Since the entire film revolves around the conversations between the jurors, so there is less of a barrier between the audience and the characters.

There are no lawyers in the film, and no grandstanding a la Alan Shore, so the audience is less likely to be disappointed if the actors' performance is anything short of James Spader.


What I'd Rather Be Doing...
In the absence of Boston Legal, this is a pretty good fix.

Actually, if Boston Legal was still being aired, that might be my fix for not watching this film...